Wednesday, August 15, 2007

What would Jenny do?

Ok, this cracked me up. It's a letter from an L Word fan answered by the "Jenny character" of the L Word. There's one every week or less in here:

Dear Jenny, how can I meet women...?

Dear Jenny,

I just moved to a new town, and I'm finding it hard to meet people. I've checked Craigslist for book clubs and poker tables, but they always seem to be in the outer suburbs or full of complete geeks. I want to meet women, of course, but at this point, I'd be happy just meeting some interesting people.

I'm a freelancer, and most of my clients are out of town, so I can't meet people through work. I don't drink a lot, so bars are kind of out. It's gotten to where I just sit in front of the TV every evening, watching reruns of "Friends" and eating Ben & Jerry's out of the container. I feel disgusting and lonely. Please help!

Lone, Lonely, Alone

Dear Lone, Lonely, Alone,

You know, lots of people will tell you that it's hard moving to a new town, you have to give it time, you'll find your niche, blah blah blah. But you know what? You may not. Ever. You may just discover that you're socially inept. Perhaps this wasn't so clear in your old town, where people were used to you and could simply cluck like hens behind your back as soon as you were out of earshot. But now, you're on your own in a new town. And you're making a hash of it.

I mean, what are you doing asking some guy named Craig for advice on how to find women? What would he know about it? Also, if you're going to sit around depressed, watching reruns, why not pick something uplifting like "The Facts of Life"? Or, like, "Xena the Warrior Princess" or something? You need to get into the right groove here, not act like some sad-sack straight woman pining for a man to marry. So, pull yourself out of that tub of Ben and Jerry's and listen to me.

You've got to think outside the box, by which I mean that empty box that's serving as your head. Want to meet women? It's totally simple. You can:

* Masquerade as a traveling sorority girl, and ask the "sisters" at your local college if you can stay over in their house for a couple of nights. Pack massage oil in your perky little overnight bag.

* Get a job at the local bookstore and slip your phone number into all the copies of "Tipping the Velvet" and "Lez Girls."

* Work at the movie theater, and every time a cute girl orders popcorn, say, "Honey, I'd be happy to butter up your kernels any day!"

* Become a cop, pull over all the beautiful women in convertibles, then tell them, "I'll let you off with a warning this time, but if I catch you driving while hot again, I'll have to punish you!"

For god's sake, use your imagination. Otherwise, we'll be watching you on TV in a few years being rolled out of your apartment and loaded into a van for emergency gastric bypass surgery, a trail of empty ice cream tubs in your wake. On second thought, that would be kind of gruesomely entertaining. So, really, either way is fine.

Good luck, and let us know if we should go ahead and buy stock in Ben & Jerry's.



Nadl said...

omg *haha*

btw i love the site ourchart, i'm also a member (althought i had to lie about my birthdate *hehe* ) it's a pretty cool site!

have u watched the reviews from Ilene Chaiken to S4?

Bumsby said...

I love the "if I catch you driving while hot again" part. And also "let us know if we should go ahead and buy stock at Ben and Jerry's" (not to mention the "so really, either way is fine".

On another reply she told someone "go back to your knitting while we attack the world's problems here" ROFLMAO

I like very much how her character developed in the last season. Especially the twisted pranks she plays on her negative critics. It's like she's become properly mad now while in the previous seasons she was still trying. LOL.

Bumsby said...

No I haven't watched those reviews, though once I caught a video of Ilene being interviewed while she prepared dinner. I mean while she was cutting the vegetables and everything. LOL.

I'm not a member and I don't go there very often, but I bumped into that Jenny's thing and I had to go read the other replies too.

Nadl said...

i dont go there very often either, but its an very interesting site =) i like the idea to create the chart like alice has really =)

and you should watch some of the reviews from ilene, sometimes its interesting what she has to say (althought i hate her :p )

and i like jenny in S4! she's funny there :p
i find her annoyin in S2 and the beginning of S3. i cant hate her in S1 :p althought i so hoped she would answer marina's call *awww*

god i wish i would also be in LA, i cant stand my stupid family here anymore :/

Spank said...

"How do I meet women in WeHo? by Bumsqueak"

1) Stand in the middle of a shopping Maul
(as they say in yankish) :P :D

2) Take off all you clothes and fold then in a neat pile.

3) Lay down on the ground..and before you know it, voila! :D

sapph said...

LMAO, Spanky - thank you for not making that suggestion until *after* I had left the area!!! (I would have been crushed in the stampede, no doubt!)

Too bad you couldn't make it over here, too - the world would indeed tremble if the three of us got together & hung out.


Bumsby said...

*misses spank*
*tries to act as if she were here*
*spanks pillow*

LOL ;)

Spank said...

*pillow sits on Bumsqueak's face*....

Bumsby said...

*kicks spank holding pillow*

Spank said...

No, my arse is the pillow..... :D LOL :P

Bumsby said...

Oh please no..... that would be way too suffocating :P I'm sure you could suffocate 3 or 4 people at the same time :P ;)

Spank said...